Pets

I've never been much of a pet person. Sure they are great company for the lonely, and wonderful entertainment for the simple minded, & stoners, but they aren't for me. You see I'm never sure what these wonderful little things are thinking. Does a kitten develop contempt for it's owner after eating the same thing over and over? You might think you're doing a great thing feeding your little muffy salmon flavored Friskies, and the ungrateful little wretch could be thinking "Oh great this again. They never quite capture the rotten fish flavor I crave". Another thing is that I've never met a cat that didn't have the "It's all about me " attitude. Pet me, entertain me feed me, clean my box. Me, me, me, big pain in the @$$ if you ask me.
Dogs aren't so self centered, in fact they are fairly simple. Feed me, walk me, let me nap, and let me lick myself. But two simple facts are absolute. You don't want to share your ice cream cone with a dog, because you KNOW FOR SURE where their tongue has been. The other is that as previously stated, you never know for certain what they are thinking. For example I dated this real HOT girl once and she had one of these Shitsu-Apso dogs. You know, the Paris Hilton kinda dog. Well I treated the dog real nice and petted it and all the stuff you do to get a dog, (and her owner), to think you like the little doll. Little did I know she was plotting against me. One warm spring day I was over visiting and there was the little dog. I noticed it in the backyard as I sat in a lounge chair, and I started talking to it in one of those high pitched baby talk voices one uses when talking to such dogs. Well the little thing jumped up into my lap so I could pet it and I thought "What a nice little dog. Maybe I've been wrong for all these years". What I didn't know was the little bundle of fur was about to put it's evil plan into action. As I reclined in the lounge she put her paws on my chest, kind of like she was stretching. As I patted her on the head I thought she was about to yawn. How I wish she had yawned. Instead what she did was to PUKE all over my chest! Wreched beast! Away with you and all of your four legged ilk is what I wanted to say. However I was still with my girlfriend, and she was mortified, to say the least. So I played the good sport. "OH I think she doesn't feel so well", I said looking down at my newly barfed on shirt. The truth was she was feeling great, she had won this round. She let me know she could do what ever she wanted to and get away with it. And she did.
So forgive me if I don't like your little pet, I am still trying to get an aweful visual out of my mind more than 20 years later.
Well that's all for now. Hope it makes sence to you 'cause right now it makes sence to me.